Friends & Family: October 2002 Archives
Dad,
I am very sorry about your father. I know it hurt you to see him go. I wish you health and happiness that only comes with the passing of time and the knowledge that life in this world doesn't come with an alarm clock.
We are occasionally asked to deal with situations rather abruptly and it is a shock to our way of life. In those times you mustn't dwell on "what if" or "I only wish". They are a threat to sanity. Instead, be confident that today you have the ability to make the world around you a good and happy place. Our loved ones, including those who have passed on, want for nothing more. It is, after all, the only real thing in our control - our behavior & disposition toward others.
I believe that if you take this time to "reach out" to those around you; to give when everyone expects you to be the one in need; to lend your strength to others, that your rewards will be immeasurable. To triumph over tragedy we must do as the old sage tells us: Turn the other cheek. Graciously - and without reservation. You must defy all theory of bereavement and loss through sacrifice of self. Become a renewed person, charged with life and energy by freeing your self from the shackles of pain, resentment & frustration and know that it is good to do so.
I love you,
Raymond
My Grandpa, Thomas Brown, passed away today. I'm not really sure what to say about this except that it seems that I have gotten a whole lot older recently. Things - life things - are happening all around me. I wasn?t thinking about stuff like this a couple of years ago. I was still young, as were my relatives. But so many things are changing - and quickly.
On my mother's side there is trouble as well - both her parent are having eye surgery due to complications of medication, illness or age.
Elizabeth?s last remaining grandparent, Steve?s mother, doesn?t look to be fairing all that well either. The family is making ?final visits? to spend time with their loved one.
I just turned 32 years old and it has really become apparent that I don't own property or life insurance - something I feel is necessary before I can have thoughts of children.
Medical bills are pilling up and will continue to do so thanks to my diabetic condition. I now have to worry about eye, skin, teeth & feet doctors in addition to Endocrinologists & GPs. And be sure that if they have an "ist" at the end of their title, it costs more. (ie: A massage therapist costs more than a masseuse.)
Everything around me is falling apart: my health, my family, my business, my finances, ... time. I just want to yell, "STOP! I need to go back and reset the clock. It's not supposed to happen this way. The last 2.5 years of my life have been shit. I want a do-over."
*****
There are some good things that have happened of late: Mandi & Evan just got engaged, and Dad & I have started to develop a real dialog for the first time in 6 to 8 (maybe 10) years. I guess for now, I will have to live in the positive. Pleasant journeys Thomas Brown.
