Grandpa Brown

My Grandpa, Thomas Brown, passed away today. I'm not really sure what to say about this except that it seems that I have gotten a whole lot older recently. Things - life things - are happening all around me. I wasn?t thinking about stuff like this a couple of years ago. I was still young, as were my relatives. But so many things are changing - and quickly.

On my mother's side there is trouble as well - both her parent are having eye surgery due to complications of medication, illness or age.

Elizabeth?s last remaining grandparent, Steve?s mother, doesn?t look to be fairing all that well either. The family is making ?final visits? to spend time with their loved one.

I just turned 32 years old and it has really become apparent that I don't own property or life insurance - something I feel is necessary before I can have thoughts of children.

Medical bills are pilling up and will continue to do so thanks to my diabetic condition. I now have to worry about eye, skin, teeth & feet doctors in addition to Endocrinologists & GPs. And be sure that if they have an "ist" at the end of their title, it costs more. (ie: A massage therapist costs more than a masseuse.)

Everything around me is falling apart: my health, my family, my business, my finances, ... time. I just want to yell, "STOP! I need to go back and reset the clock. It's not supposed to happen this way. The last 2.5 years of my life have been shit. I want a do-over."

*****

There are some good things that have happened of late: Mandi & Evan just got engaged, and Dad & I have started to develop a real dialog for the first time in 6 to 8 (maybe 10) years. I guess for now, I will have to live in the positive. Pleasant journeys Thomas Brown.